It was still on Second Avenue then, and not yet a bank. For a man and woman, this put us at the same maturity level.
Ron Jeremy got matzoh ball soup, which I told him was kind of goyish. Afterward, we sat on a bench with the pigeons pooping around us and kissed. He had impeccable taste in music and books, and a lot of integrity when it came to bullshit. Ron Jeremy told me that he would be going to Paris for ten days. And every time he became bedridden, he stayed there for months.
There was amoxicillin, Valcyte, Valtrex, Nexavir, and Provigil.
I’ve injected him with human growth hormone, vitamin B12, and Gc‑MAF: a protein-derived macrophage.
Some doctors were well-intentioned, just very far out there.
Others oversold their own treatments, made grandiose promises, and loved the sounds of their own voices.But he has also said that he would never want to censor me. He also asked that I change his name to Ron Jeremy, so that he may have some autonomy—some distance—from this essay.Ron Jeremy felt like family from the first time we met. The first thing I ever said to Ron Jeremy was, Shut up this is my game.John’s wort, fish oil, iron supplements, and ginseng. There was a vitamin drip, coenzyme Q‑10, probiotics, some mushroom pill.There was a heavy course of Chinese medicine with Dr. J, gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, and every other elimination diet. There was a coffee enema, wherein Ron Jeremy lay spread eagle on our bathroom floor with his ass in the air and I shot a pot of coffee into his asshole via an enema bag and a tube.In the years we’ve been together, Ron Jeremy has spent thousands of dollars on treatments.He has tried everything from the most toxic Western drugs to traditional Eastern medicine to the most woo-woo hippie treatments.Ron Jeremy had come with a friend of a friend to meet girls. Ron Jeremy says that he took one look at me and knew I was the sexually liberated Jewish girl of his dreams.Twenty minutes after we met, we made out in a photo booth.When Ron Jeremy was with Nina, his last girlfriend, a strange fever had come upon him and left him bedridden for months. His body did not fight infection like normal people. As I understand it, the human immune system has three types of cells. There are messenger cells, which send a message that the body has been invaded with illness.The stress of an ongoing illness—the depression, repetition, and paralysis of it—can be too much for some people. At that time, Ron Jeremy was tested for every disease—HIV, cancer, hepatitis, diabetes, lupus, MS—but doctors could not find anything. And there are killer cells, which receive the message and fight off the illness.